Today I let go of you
You whom I idolised so shamelessly, you whom I associated with perfection, you whom I loved more than I loved myself.
Today I let go of you
You whom I longed for, you whom I left everything for, you whom I lost.
For so long, I hoped and prayed. I wished incessantly. I spent so many sleepless nights just wondering how could you love something so hard and move to its opposite.
For so long, I wondered was it something I’ve done, was it something I said, was it something I meant.
For so long, I tried to forget the feeling of ever loving you, ever trusting you, ever caring for you.
My mistake was not within our connection it was within me. My mistake was to give myself ever so freely. My mistake was seeing your intentions with delusion. My mistake was in the belief that you were the one. The only one for me. That feeling of belonging in a time where I didn’t feel like I belonged. That feeling of attention in a time where I was longing for it most.
You came as a lesson, like a wave. The one that rolls you up unconsciously and spits you out making you fear to ever swim again.
But the ocean is so big and beautiful. It has got space for us all. It continues to create infinitely and it continues to swallow infinitely too.
My mistake was limiting myself to walking on the shore of your emotions, and not living my truest desire.
Today I let go of you and I dive deep into something bigger than ever before.
Today I let go of your pretentious needs and take care of my own.
Today I let go of what I thought was the definition of love, and discover that it is within me.
It is within me to love, to create, to swallow.
You don’t belong in my seas, you don’t belong in my heart, you don’t belong in my love.
I am an infinite source of love and energy and you are the black hole sucking the opportunity out of me.
What a shame is it to be addicted to things that make you feel.
Today I let go and choose to feel love rather than pain.
Today I let go and choose to release and rediscover how it is to feel sane.
Today I let go and dive deep, where the swim is easy and I can breathe again. I can float. I can trust. Again.
For so long I let the waves excite me only to find that the waves carry the scum of the ocean.
This whole time was a delusion.
Today I dive deep and I can see again.
I feel free again.
I feel me again.